On Planting, and Watering, and Growing

Hey everyone!

It is definitely Amanda's turn to write a blog, but she hasn't done it yet, (hmmm...) but I wanted to take a few minutes and write what has been on my heart lately.  We are leaving 3 months from last Thursday, and our deposit is due in about 2 weeks.  We have delivered many support letters, and are now just waiting on God's perfect timing.  It is much easier said than done.

I have been spending the past 5 months since I've returned from Kenya really meditating on what it means to be a servant, and whether or not I made any sort of a difference at all during my time there.  If I am being completely honest, those 6 months were the most difficult 6 months of my life, however, the experience changed me from the inside out and I will never be the same again.  My biggest struggle with the experience came from my own human desires and needs to have my work validated and affirmed; it's so difficult to attempt to plant seeds and try to love people as much as you can and not see the fruits of your labor.  In Kenya, I would spend my time with the boys, and I would pray and pour my heart into their lives, and they would still choose to live on the streets and sniff glue.  For every boy that wanted to change, there were 5 more running to the streets.  The hopelessness of the country starts to wear on you, and it takes submission to the Spirit to keep from becoming cynical.  I cannot begin to explain the toll it takes on your heart and your spirit to be amidst the poverty, corruption, and spiritual oppression that exists in that country and so many others like it in Africa.

I did not build anything, I did not teach in a classroom or perform surgeries or donate millions of dollars for relief in Kenya.  It still pains me sometimes, to wonder if I even made a difference.  But I had to really give my heart and my actions over to God.  If I can say anything about missions, it is this: you cannot change anyone.  But God can.  You have to sacrifice yourself everyday and devote your time to God, and trust that He will take care of it.  It sounds really silly, and I wish I could give you the actual insight that is coming from my heart, but all I can say is that it is so much harder to really live it out than it sounds.

I actually took the time to read through most of the New Testament during my 6 months in Kenya, and I came across this verse that convicted my heart.  In 1 Corinthians 3, it says, "After all, who is Apollos? Who is Paul? We are only God’s servants through whom you believed the Good News. Each of us did the work the Lord gave us. ⁶ I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. ⁷ It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow. ⁸ The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work. ⁹ For we are both God’s workers. And you are God’s field. You are God’s building."

 We spend so much time wondering if we are doing this whole "life" thing right, that we forget that that's not even the point.  We are meant to serve and love God, nothing more.  It is not my job to change Kenya or the Dominican Republic, or even the people of Sacramento.  It is my job to humble myself and dedicate my time and my service to loving people and reaching them, because that is the job that God has given us as His children.  It does not matter who plants the seed and it does not matter who waters it.   It does not matter how many kids run to the streets in Kenya because God is in the business of changing lives, and I am in the business of following God.  If I skip that middle step, and try to take over God's business, then this spiritual economy that we have going on is screwed because I never took a business class and I hate money.

This is my prayer for our team, and for my own life and my own calling: that we would simply seek God's will and somehow get transfer into the lives of the people that we meet, no matter where we go.  Loving people is a tricky art, one that may or may not ever be mastered by any human, but it is our calling to attempt it, and trust that God will clean up the mess we make anyway.  We are so excited as a team to get out there and spend time with God's beautiful babies and the wonderful people of the Dominican Republic.  Above all, we seek to honor and serve Him.  Please keep us in your prayers as we continue on this exciting journey!  We love you all, and thank you for reading!

Love,
Marissa

P.S. We also need financial provision.  As I said above, our deposit is due in a few weeks.  Please say some prayers with us! Thank you!

P.P.S. On a brighter note, I spent some time with a guy from Kenya who now lives in Sacramento and goes to my church.  He was a street boy in Nairobi, and sniffed the glue and even went to jail.  But he and I talked a lot about his life and my experiences in Kenya, and how I question whether my time in Africa even matters.  I asked him if he remembers seeing any wzungu (white people) in Kenya, and he said he did.  He remembers their help, and he remembers going to an orphanage started by a mzungu and that was where he turned his life around.  He was sponsored by Compassion International, and is now here in America. 

So, it matters.   (Not that it matters whether it matters.  Because it doesn't.  But it still makes me smile.)